I was suspended from work yesterday
77Suspended from work, this is really scary
I was suspended from work yesterday and it all seems totally unreal. I have two part time jobs at a local primary school. My first job is as a school crossing patroller and my second job is as a lunch time supervisor. I went to my first job in the morning without any event, it was a totally normal morning. I did have a bit of a head cold but didn't want to take time off sick as its very close to the easter holiday.
I got to the lunch time job as normal, early. My first duty is to set up the tables and benches in the hall ready for the kids to have their packed lunches. I went up to the hall and started setting up as per usual.
With the tables and benches set up the rest of the lunch time staff arrived and we all were having a chat while waiting for the first students to arrive. The head and deputy head of the school came up and asked me to please come with them, they had nothing more to say until we were in the heads office.
In the heads office I was informed that a parent had made a complaint against me and that I was officially suspended from work pending investigation. Have you ever felt that the world has instantly been turned upside down, that everything is somehow very far away from you and that a cold wind is blowing through your entire body? This is the best description for how I felt and am feeling. I held myself together somehow and made it off the schools grounds before the tears hit and they keep coming back. What exactly was said? How long was the meeting? Honestly I can not tell you the answer to those questions, I think it would be safe to say I got numb pretty quick.
This is not going to be an easy thing. This is not going to be a simple case and I am pretty darned scared, angry and sad.
Gross Misconduct
The words spinning in my head just now are 'gross misconduct'. This is the claim and accusation. I couldn't have told you that yesterday, the words just passed through me without meaning when I first heard them.
Today I had a meeting with my employers through the local council for my crossing patrol job. The had all the information that my mind just could not take in yesterday, specifically the words gross misconduct.
For this job, the crossing patrol job, I am on a 'garden leave'. They are going to need to talk with the human resources people and in the mean time I get this garden leave, but I don't feel like I am in any kind of garden. It is highly unlikely that I will be allowed to take a post at a different school in need of a crossing patroller, at least until the investigation is over. After the investigation is over, well, who knows?
What the heck happened anyway?
So what conduct is it that is so gross? What did I do wrong? And am I some kind of monster? The words gross misconduct definitely bring those questions to my mind.
Ok so last friday there was a student who was still eating as we (myself and a few other staff members) finished putting the tables and benches away as well as sweeping up and storing away all the bits and bobs we use.
I sat next to the girl to keep her company while my colleagues chatted. She spotted the many faded scars on my arms and asked about them. This is probably one of the hardest questions to be asked, by anyone. It is always hard because there is usually worry behind asking the question in the first place, heck I suspect they (my bosses) are worried I might off myself now!
The advice from the school in the past when kids ask about it is to try to say as little as possible, to avoid the situation when ever possible. Being asked point blank is not something you can easily avoid. Trying to answer a genuine question while trying not to say anything is bloody impossible. A clear answer that I can give in any and every situation has never been advised and I wonder if one even exists.
I may be in the wrong but I strongly believe that saying something along the lines of 'I am not allowed to talk to you about that' is totally irresponsible and creates a feeling of stigma and shame. Maybe I should have been ashamed and embarrassed, saying 'none of your business' would be much easier that way. Who cares about educating kids anyway? Just avoid anything hard! Ok I am starting to get a bit angry so I think I shall shift the focus.
Mental illness, even in recovery its a mine field
I feel that I am being discriminated against due to a history of mental illness. I have been advised that I should seek out counseling, something must be wrong with me to want to give an honest answer to a question asked of me.
I may well want to seek out a counselor as I am hurting right now. I feel totally shattered. I keep crying and feel that cold wind blowing inside me. This is not exactly something that is easy for anyone to handle. It hurts like any betrayal hurts. My tears hide silent screams, this isn't fair! It's just not fair damn it! My heart hurts and this head ache just wont go away.
I would not seek counseling because there is something wrong with me. I would seek it because there is something wrong with this system that just seems totally messed up. Abused kids get left with their abusers, happy kids get taken into foster care and when you turn 18 it doesn't matter what has happened your on your own mate.
If you want to try to convey a message of hope to a kid who asks, you are taking a serious risk as I well know now. My advice, ignore and side step any problem, don't work hard as the lazy wont like it and watch the world burn, at least you wont be singled out to burn first.
I think I should wrap this up, as soon as I can I will be seeking legal advice and am not sure if I even want to work with kids again now. If I get some kind of good news or bad even, I may come along and write an update but for now I am going to leave this hub as is and hope for the best.
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I always view things very basically. A job is just a job. It's temporary. Sure, it's a means to an end, but nothing more. Like bosses love to tell their employees that they are replaceable, so are employers.
In life there are places I simply don't want to work for based on many factors. I guide my finances and my life accordingly so that I make choices, rather than be fixed as to what I must do...or concern myself with.
Keep your chin up, let the cards fall where they may. If they make the wrong decision, take it as exactly that. Their mistake. Their problem. Not yours. And don't ever consider yourself the victim in a situation like this. Rather, consider yourself a victor.
The school will go on. And so will you.
What a rotten little bit of narrow-minded nonsense against you Kirsten. I suppose that if you'd lost a limb in a war zone, and spoke of it, you would have been suspended for showing the glories of killing others in a bad light.
I hope that your reinstated without loss, or if not that you sue the pants of them. I'm sure that there are percentage lawyers in your state only to pleased to represent you.
Regards,
TOF
That is disgusting, you must have a great case for not only being unfairly suspended, but also for compensation surely!! If we can't be honest with a child what kind of message are we sending out in terms of how to conduct our lives, (and them theirs)??? I wish you the best of luck in getting the justice you most definitely deserve.
DON"T ever be ashamed of your scars. Scars are beautiful take it from me I have a self mutilating daughter who is bipolar. Educate and advocate, because in this we help a child who may need it. Strive on and they should be ashamed of themselves
Oh Kirsten! I am so sorry. The world is in such confusion. Confusion begets confusion. I too have seen a twisted society "at large". God and good are with you. It isn't you that has trespassed!
I'm so sorry you've been treated this way. I, personally don't feel that you should lie or avoid questions when a child asks. You've done nothing wrong. Keep that in mind and get yourself some good legal help. The school will be trying to cover their backsides. I hope that common sense will prevail and you will reinstated with an apology.
After writing this I kinda planned to stay away, got it out of my system kinda thing. Georgina you catch me as I am feeling my equilibrium returning (kind of). If having to keep this kind of thing 'secret' and 'forbidden' is going to be required of me inspite that I too believe that kids questions should be respected with an answer, even a watered down simplistic one and not brushed off then no matter the result for this particular incident I do not think I would be comfortable in this industry anymore and will be looking into earning more for my writing I think. I actually am wondering how this is going to go with self harm rates rising enough to get several mentions in the news of late, I am going to citizens advice today for legal advice and am apprehensive of what they are going to make of all this. It is way to weird man! Thanks for the comment and to the previous posters, your comments were read with gratitude even tho when I read them I was a little to sore to respond. I hope you understand.
I do feel for you. There is nothing worse than being left in limbo. This is the worse form of mental torture anyone can incur.
I always say life is a lottery. You can have a good heart with good intentions - always listen to your heart, it never lies to you - however, dispite this, these good intentions can go 'pear shaped'. You need to read my hub on controllers and victims - I have a theory and your example provides the evidence.
Im not promoting, just think it might be helpful:)
http://hubpages.com/hub/Working-in-Care-Are-You-a-
I am thinking good things for you, my friend. If you want to talk, just feel free to email me x
It is difficult but I have noticed that those in positions of power, tend to be controllers and have a one way biased perception. This is what has happened to you. You have been tried and executed without a voice. How fair is that? Where is the flexibility of human error? In order for a good team, there has to be solidarity and backing. What backing have you had? Who is standing up for your rights? Sorry, I just dont like injustice!
I was sorry to read this and hope that the school "heads" use their heads more appropriately
Shaz, I sympathize totally, I get totally wound up when I see injustice in the world and my husband can tell you I got on my orange box every time I see it! My view is that those in power usually want as much as they can get with as little work as possible and tend to be lazy, quite willing to take credit when you do well and first to accuse when you 'rock the boat' or make an innocent mistake. As it is I just got back from citizens advice with their legal advice. Since it was suggested that I get therapy in order to make a show of 'good will' or whatever I should do it as it could strengthen my case, should I need to officially defend myself. Personally I think its a waste, there are many people who struggle to get help ya know (another case of social injustice and imbalance!) plus it would be on the tax payers bill. What really gets up my nose is that while the school conducted in a professional manner without personal feelings the council (local gov) and my bosses there conducted themselves from a place of personal emotion and lacked the professionalism that should be expected. So they are allowed to have personal feelings and convictions to be respected but I am not, not allowed my own personal feelings and convictions and not entitled to have that same respect. What is sad is that if it was the council that was raising this complaint I would be happy to show them the two finger salute, tell them my personal views of their level of integrity and be glad to be shot of em. The school I loved, the council I absolutely abhor. Bunch of lazy liars and thieves! When I had all the parents and school govonors calling to compliment my work they were more then happy to take the credit for employing me (look who we found, aren't we clever) now its like, look how great we are that we told her to get therapy instead of dropping her like a lead balloon. For now it's a waiting game, and with the holiday a day away and full pay it may be a bit of a wait. On the one hand my petty revenge side thinks, take forever and bleed em dry! On the other hand I keep thinking about what I might do next if things don't 'blow over' (not likely imo as it seems the attitude will be that its more bother then its worth to keep me on), do I challenge it as unfair? The advice is that my case would not be strong enough to win on that count. The other option is to look to the future and find something where I could be happy and enjoy myself. It is wise to pick and choose your battles, if the advice is that I don't stand much of a chance then I just want to recover what I can and move on, their loss really, I actually do work hard and don't care if someone else takes the credit so long as they let me do my work. Working hard and taking pride in myself and what I do is more then enough for me.
rffleck - Haha! How nice would it be if the school Heads actually used them more often! With the stories about badly run schools and the decline in education Heads having to use their heads should be mandatory.
I'm very sorry, these days it seems that everything we do can be considered wrong by someone. Beside seeking as soon as possible legal advice there is one thing which that kind of persons hate, and that's bad publicity. Just like when you go to the supermarket for a complaint ans they solve the problem ten seconds after you begun to talk with a very loud voice so that everyone around can listen. I wish you that everything will turn good.:)
I feel horrible that this happened to you. I know what it is like to go through an investigation...Working with adults that have disabilities often leads to many investigations because people misunderstand your intentions. I think that you did the right thing. That girl shouldn't be sheltered and she has the right to understand that sometimes people do things that they are not proud of. Who knows, maybe your story made her want to be come a mental illness counselor so that she could help people...why do people always assume the worst about others? I wish you the best and I know that you can fight your way out of this...they are in the wrong, not you!
Thank you for your story. I'm sorry for what happened to you and I hope that everything works out. This isn't misconduct at all! If anything, I think answering the child honestly would have been the right choice. Many children, even as young as elementary school, have problems with mental illness, depression, self-multilation, and good old low self-esteem. Perhaps this should have been a TEACHING experience for the child and the school, rather than an opportunity to punish.
I wish that someone brave would have talked to me as a young girl, and they might have saved me from years of depression and self-loathing during my teen years. Stand tall and stand proud! You're a good person and surely not guilty of "gross misconduct". I'm still confused as to what their grounds are to begin with!
Good luck:)
kateb123 - I strongly feel that talking to kids when they ask about the harder matters in life is the responsible thing to do too. Thanks for your comments. Get this, last night I heard a story of a woman being dismissed for gross misconduct for offering to pray for an ill student! I don't think I will be welcomed back to this school if you consider that they will feel they have to dismiss on the grounds of an offer of prayer for an ill child. I am not religious or anything but if someone wants to pray for me out of kindness and worry then I take it as a caring gesture not something to get offended by and to get someone fired over! This is getting silly bad! I assume that I wont be offered my job back and at that point I will probably write up a press release, not to get my job back (I know when I am not welcome anymore) but to raise awareness that there is a huge level of discrimination going on and that those doing the discriminating are being catered to instead of being educated and that this is going to become a more sever problem the longer it is allowed to go on for. Thanks again for the comment :D
You really should kirsten! Let the public know what is going on hear. I think the only people guilty of gross misconduct is the administrators of this school.
Very moving hub. What a bunch of nonsense it all is, hmmm?
So here's my unasked-for advice...
Get thee out of there. Try to fix your reputation if you can, but most of all, get out.
Many don't realize this is an age of long-term opportunity, but it is. Online opportunity is replacing a large chunk of offline opportunity, more or less permanently. I think you'll be able to turn your residual income writing into a full-time endeavor if you're determined.
Write what you don't necessarily want to write for money until it's supporting you. Then write what you do want to write. Or start your own business, or whatever.
I am prejudiced against working for a boss. Even nice ones. Pretty much all of them are not at all about fairness; they're about doing their job. And of course I don't know you - you may absolutely feel your job is worth it. But your writing is darn engaging and I suspect you can monetize it if you decide to really go all out.
...end of unasked for advice...
Fiction Teller, I am not overly worried about not having this or both jobs. Sadly the one less likely to be lost is the one I would be most grateful for being fired from! Simply quitting is a problem tho, if I did I would count as 'voluntarily unemployed' and that can leave a person totally screwed if they do not already have the means to pay all the bills. I the contributions I make from my wages would not entitle me to any kind of help if I was looking at homelessness, so being fired tends to be the safest way to get out of a bad job, sadly. Ironically the job I want to get fired from is not actually all that likely to do it, just make my life uncomfortable, but they cannot find people to do the job I do so its not easy to let someone like me go. This job would be the best ever if not for the people I work for, the job is one that protects kids and has saved lives (I managed to stop a stupid parent from walking in front of a speeding car she couldn't see, it scared the heck outa her and she started to appreciate me after that!). I am there to help kids cross the road safely before and after school and not many people will do that when drivers will drive around you and the kids when they are supposed to be stopped as they can just about squeeze through if you (the crossing patroller) manage to get your arm outa the way, or they will hit it! It's a dangerous job where your bosses don't get a toss for your personal welfare or safety and brush you off if you have any problem. I love thinking I have saved a life and maybe more but I am sick of that job, the bad drivers I can just about handle, the bosses are make it a nightmare. Ironically that job I am likely to just be placed at a different school with! Who knows tho this might just be the best thing to happen, I have an online shop now to promote and create new product designs for and if it works out, then I may get my dream of being self employed :)
Ah, I get it. Well, I suspect with your realistic attitude and your drive, you will achieve that dream and surprise some folks along the way. Best of luck.
What a crazy world we live in, if you were bad at your job, lazy and inept, then you would be just about fire proof, the world is bending over backwards not to offend the wrong people.
I am sure that you will thrive though no matter what the world throws at you, your heart is in the right place and you have talent.
Sorry to hear about this. You did the right thing by telling the truth. Hopefully, things will all work out in the end.
Kidgas - Thank you for your kind words. I have a meeting with the school today to find out, well I am not sure what exactly but there may be another hub to come about the process and such, to help others in the same situation. It's a pretty daunting experience and there is so little information out there that sharing the ins and outs of this process might make another hub. I may also just get a slap on the wrist and be back at work tomorrow (I am not holding my breath tho). Either way things do have a way of working out and this may be the kick in the pants I need to pursue a more positive and successful future :).
Just to update from my last comment, I have had the meeting and it wasn't as bad as I expected. I still don't actually know anything but it was a chance for me to give my version of events. The interview was with the one person I would have actually asked for as this individual is the kind of person who can put anyone at ease and remain completely neutral. We even had a laugh after it was over about my online shop. Any future hubs will have to wait until this process has unfolded a bit more.
good luck Kirsten. Im sorry this kinda of crap rolled down on you. its the way of the world now I guess. Ill say a prayer for you.
outdoorsguy - thanks for the read. The decision has actually been made, I was dismissed with notice (4 weeks additional pay) and a compliment about my integrity. My other job is still up in the air, I haven't actually heard anything from them. It's sad really, like my living through abuse isn't enough to get people upset for me but if I talk about it when questioned well....
I hope that this is the sort of thing where I look back and say it was the best thing that could have happened, that my online endeavors really take off. A prayer to that effect would be much appreciated :).
Again as I said in the forum, You are young and my not be aware of certain behavior that exist in the world today. In todays' world shit floats to the top. The real cream of the crop stays in the backround silent. People in any kind of power, especially in some type of Governmental agency will pray on people like you for the fun of it.
When you get another job Don't ever let anyone see you working hard, or trying to be a decent person. Don't ever mention your illness or show your scars. And for God Sake! Don't ever tell anyone the truth about anything! You will shoot up the ladder so fast it will make your head spin.
Friendlyword - I think you are forgetting the most important value in employment, image! So to recap, don't work hard, lie through your teeth and my last tip, do it all while looking pretty. The sad thing is if you don't want to play the game that way then you must be mentally ill or something!
Why didn't you just tell the girl what happened in as few words as possible? I'm sure tat would have satisfied everyone. I myself have scars and am physically handicapped, but if someone asks about my disabilities and seems to be genuimely concerned about my well being or asks out of genuine curiosity, I don't mind answering. As a matter of fact, I would prefer they ask instead of constantly staring at me or making fun of me behind my back.
Deerwhisperer - I tried to say as little as possible. Usually on the rare occasions when a kid asks saying something like I had an unhappy childhood is enough. This one was asking, what exactly were the marks, why did I have them, how did I get them and what did I use.
The problem seems to lie in the fact that this is something that down right scares people. If I was willing to wear long sleeves and tell anyone who asks that its none of their business I might have avoided all this. Problem is I am not comfortable with something like that, seems like I should be ashamed if you know what I mean. I have actually lost the one job, they said sorry, I had acted with integrity and no malace but.... and dismissed me with one months notice and it seemed a clean cut so to speak. I am still waiting on the other job, where I was told to get a therapist etc.
good Hub....hope you are doing Ok.....Irish
Irish - Thanks for stopping by and sending well wishes. I am keeping my head up by keeping an eye on new opportunities and it has kept me very busy. I find that good often comes from 'bad' and I have actually been asked if I would be willing to speak with other young people who are experiencing the same self harm problems that I was experiencing. It would be awesome if I wind up doing something that offers real help and hope to others. That is something I would take real pride in.
Every person reacts different to the same situation, because we are different. I do not know how I would react if in your shoes. I do feel a lot of sympathy as you are busy with a difficult journey at present. I only want to share an incident many years ago. We opened a clinic in one of third world Africa's main cities. One day a very pretty, but skinny foreigner girl walked into the reception. It was packed with a lot of multi-cultural people. In a loud, clear and confident voice,she announced to the receptionist the reason for her visit. She said: I have aids, and I need to get my shot of medication. I brought it with, as my doctor gave me a supply for my travel. There was a deafening silence for a while. It was the years when HIV had a lot of stigma attached to it. No one would have guessed her condition. When the people absorbed what she had said, an amazing thing happened. She received so much compassion from the crowd. They all offered her their seats as not to tire herself standing too long.It was a very hot and humid tropical day. After sitting down, she stunned us further by interacting with everybody like a big crowd of friends. She told us, with no one asking, that she contracted AIDS by using additive drugs. She was our hero. We loved her. She made a mistake once, she took her blame and faced the little bit of life left for her, with confidence. She did not care if anyone will condemn her, because she has forgiven herself.
Like I said, we are different. I do not even know if I myself will have the same kind of courage, but I will never forget the impression that lady left on me. She has made us better people. I only hope this little incident will help you better accept whatever is wrong in your life. I see the same kind of courage in you, just because you were willing to talk to us strangers about a very humiliating incident. I hope you will be able to grow to love your "different-ness" and when seeing people staring, just give them a cheerful short explanation, before they ask. We are a curios species, and if you satisfy the curiosity, they can focus on the real beautiful you inside. Good luck.
equealla - Thank you for sharing that story, I like this girl I never met now. I am doing my best to keep focused on the good that could come from all of this. I am pursuing using my art for an online store and I may be asked to share how I got through my self harm history for those still going through it. If that were to happen that would be pretty cool. When I wrote this I was still hurting and it was a way to get that hurt out of my system so to speak. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Your honesty is worth all the gold in Africa. Go girl, go. I know you have a good life in front of you, because you want to care for others with the same kind of pain. Only those who has walked the road first, will know the way to help others cross the bridge in the dark.
I am sorry to read the bad news about your work. I hope you can clear things out with your employers. But I would like to invite you to check out my hub on job termination. I hope it would help you before you make your final decision. Good luck!
TINA V - Thank you for your comment. I had a look at your hub and have to say it is very US focused :/. Here in the UK firings have happened for cases such as a teacher offering to pray for a sick child because the atheist parents complained. Another woman fired because of a past history of depression (she won the lawsuit) that had no relevance to the job and was not an issue during the job. I was asked why I didn't lie, something I am not willing to do for spiritual reasons (10 commandments, one of em against lying) yet your hub mentions dishonesty as grounds for dismissal. Funny old world when you can be fired for both honesty and dishonesty ain't it.
hi kirsten i just read thru ur blog and going thru exactly the same thing i work as a lunch time organiser and yesterday i was dismissed half way thru my shift i have been given no reason for this, the way u described how u felt is how im feeling now i have racked my brains trying to think of what it is i have done but i have no idea .
jend - My sympathies! This is not a fun position to be in. Working at a school can be somewhat dangerous, a complaint gets made for something small or whatever and it can turn our lives upside down. I was eventually dismissed with notice. My other job as a lollipop lady is safe but they have yet to post me to a new job site (school). The situation has been a mess. My line manager retired and tried to get me into a new position before she retired but would not tell me what the pay would be! Not sure anyone would take a job without disclosure of pay! I hope that things work out OK for you, maybe take this time to work on a personal project. When I was first suspended I found a site that allows me to post my art and designs on a range of products, I thought it was lots of fun, and a great way to turn my art and photography into something sell-able. I found it really helped, I was able to focus on something productive and have even made a few decent sales of my stuff. Who knows, in time this may turn into a self employed type job for me and I would not have tried if I did not have all that free time. I keep trying to stay positive and hopeful that things will turn out for the best and I hope this for you too! :D
Kirsten,
I don't know you, but I am proud of you and would be more than happy to have you on my team if I owned a company.
What happened to you was unbelievable and sad. It's the school/s I feel sorry for, not you. It's totally their loss. Totally.
I wish you bucketloads of success in your creative endeavours and in everything you do.
Mizz Eb - Thank you for your kind words. I know what you mean about the school suffering the real loss. There were always a hand full of kids who did not have friends and I always made myself their friend, often helping to open the door for them to make friends with each other. Most of the school staff do not make friends with the kids, even the ones who really do need it, mostly out of fear (it can be dangerous working with kids if anyone gets the wrong idea about something) and its the kids who loose out. I don't have any trouble understanding why so many kids are let down by schools these days, when caring, helping and teaching can get the staff in trouble.
Sorry you have lost your job. Maybe you could apply for unemployment benefits. I hope you work your problems out and things get better for you.
electricsky - Thanks for the kind comment. It has been some 8 months off work now and I will be keeping one of the jobs to start at a new school soon. It has been a rough time but hopefully I can get back into a routine with the new school. I enjoy the time to work online but I do miss the routine.
Ralph Deeds Level 6 Commenter 2 years ago
It doesn't sound like misconduct to me or good cause for suspension. I hope you will be reinstated promptly. Good luck!